We all carry expectations—about our relationships, our careers, and our personal growth. We build images in our minds of how things should be, often without realizing how deeply those expectations shape our emotions. But when reality doesn’t align with those mental pictures, disappointment inevitably follows. That’s why managing expectations isn’t just helpful—it’s essential to how we experience life. This story explores what happens when we choose to do so.
In these moments, when we are disappointed, we face a choice: Do we let unmet expectations define our experience, or do we actively shift our perspective?
I was reminded of this on Valentine’s Day.
After weeks of travel, I finally got to spend a couple of days with my partner. It was the kind of time that felt effortless—where you reconnect, laugh, and remember why you love someone. And then, as life would have it, he had to go back to work. On Valentine’s Day. Just like that, the vision I had of us spending the evening together disappeared.
For a moment, I felt that familiar twinge of disappointment. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. We hadn’t had enough time together, and now, on a special occasion, I would be alone. It would have been easy to let that feeling take over, turning a day meant to celebrate love into one marked by absence and frustration.
But then I caught myself.
The real challenge wasn’t my partner’s schedule—it was the story I was telling myself about it. Was I really alone, or was I just focusing on what was missing instead of what was still present? Did this one evening define the love in my relationship? Was I willing to let my expectations steal the joy that still existed in my reality?
At that moment, I made a decision.
Instead of staying stuck in the gap between expectation and reality, I took a step back and actively shifted my focus. I reminded myself that I had the power to manage my expectations, to see the situation differently, and to choose a perspective that served me better. And then, almost as if the universe acknowledged my effort, a friend reached out with an invitation to spend the evening together. What could have been a lonely night turned into an unexpected opportunity for connection and fun—one that I was able to embrace because I had already done the work to change my outlook.
This wasn’t about forcing gratitude or pretending I hadn’t felt disappointed. It was about recognizing that I had a choice. Managing expectations isn’t about suppressing emotions or lowering standards—it’s about becoming aware of the stories we attach to situations and asking ourselves if they serve us. And if they don’t? We can choose a different interpretation of reality.
It doesn’t always happen instantly, and it’s not always easy. Some days, even my best efforts to shift my mindset don’t work right away. But the more I practice, the more I realize that my experience of life isn’t just shaped by what happens—it’s shaped by how I choose to interpret it.
Not everything goes as planned. And that’s okay. Because once we become aware of our expectations, we gain the power to change how we respond. And in that space, we often find something even greater than what we originally imagined.
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